Memento Mori

One of the biggest struggles in my own life and the lives of so many of my clients and friends is the sense that time is rushing by and something left unfinished constantly chases us, something always needing our attention. We're perpetually ticking things off a cursed list of to-dos that never ends.

Underlying it all there's often impatience. Impatience for the day/week/quarter to end, for THAT particular milestone to be met, for THAT other goal to be fulfilled. And when we do finally cross the finish line towards some long-awaited dream, we're often so exhausted that all we're able to experience is relief, instead of the exuberant joy we had been hoping for.

I've tried many things to break this pattern and only two seemed to work.

The first I was reminded of today, when I forced myself to pause from what seemed hugely urgent work and took my daughter and our dog to the beach for an hour. It seemed so indulgent to take that time knowing how much was left undone, but once I was out in the open air, my kid and her dog running happily, I found myself stepping back and gaining perspective. I realised THIS moment is so precious and will never return: my child still young; our dog still a playful puppy. It's a moment to be savoured and cherished.

I shared this thought with my daughter and she replied: "Memento mori, Mom!". We're all going to die. Instead of finding this thought depressing, I find it sobering and freeing. It's the most effective way to extract myself from the trap of 'not enough time' and tap into the gratitude for 'this is the perfect time'. Whenever I find myself on autopilot, all it takes is remembering the finiteness of it all and all of sudden the full flavour of NOW becomes accessible again. This has worked better for me than meditation or any other presencing practice I have ever tried. Some might find it a bit morbid. Others might find that consciously thinking about death - not with dread, but with equanimity - is worth experimenting with.

The second practice that I've found incredibly powerful in taking me off the treadmill of 'doing' is something Professor William Torbert calls "timely action". It's the capacity to shift your attention in noticing the ebbs and flows of life and timing your actions in collaboration with life, not in a struggle with it.

It's noticing when things don't move as fast as you wish them to - the frustration of delays and the pain of your impatience - and trusting there is a timeliness to things. It's believing that there is a 'right time' and having the humility to understand that you don't choose the right time. All you can do is act mindfully and listen carefully for the subtle signs of the opportune moment. I have countless examples of 'timely action' in my life, yet often I forget and find myself trying to push things again. And then life pushes back, waking me up to a broader perspective.

If you too are impatient for something today, perhaps reading this will help a bit.

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