I love this exercise so much - over the years I've seen it to be universally true; the everlasting and reverberating impact that one or two kind and dedicated mentors (silent, adopted or organised) can have. It is deeply touching to pause in a moment of gratitude - thank you for the reminder - and thank you to Mr Brown - my maths teacher in year 12 - I carry your kindness and care with me to this day.
Great piece. Thanks Alis. The attitude of growth you describe here isn’t just that of a good mentor, but that of many other worthy roles. The challenge lives everywhere.
I love the experience you share here about Bill Torbert. So beautiful that he lives on.
Each of us are worthy of respect and dignity. Respect and dignity, of course, are not solo acts. They only become genuinely possible inside relationship. Much like love, respect and dignity
Terror and hatred live at the bottom of attitudes and behaviors stemming from disrespect, ego and judgment. While heaven lives at the bottom of respect, trust, and admiration. Both can be easy places to go, but the latter tends to require more effort to generate and sustain.
I agree with you, Craig the challenge indeed is everywhere. And there is much wisdom in what you are articulating about going 'to the bottom' of attitudes to find 'heaven' or 'hell' - I wonder how we might build the 'muscle' required to foster more of the 'love, respect, and dignity' end of that spectrum - the world seems to be in such dire need of that right now!
Thank you for the beautiful reminder of the impact mentors have had on my life and the need to constantly notice my own reactions, triggers and how I show up to ensure I am meeting people where they're at and serving them, rather than my own needs. Some of this is anchored in my own reflective practices, but also the peer and group/community sessions I am fortunate to be part of, including those hosted by you and the VDI community. You continue to model walking the talk. Thank you.
I absolutely loved this article, Alis. It made me reflect on past mentors at different stages of my career. I couldn’t help but wonder how different ‘octaves’ might impact a mentor-mentee relationship. Perhaps Freud was in fallback or stuck in an expert mindset.
That is surely a fascinating question, Mark! I’d think it’s reasonable to assume many of the big minds were not as late stage in their interpersonal line as they were in their cognitive. When you’ve built a field that becomes more like a cult, as it was in Freud’s case, any dissent becomes betrayal.
Alis, this was such a beautiful reflection on mentorship, bringing our full selves to our work, and remaining mindful of our blind spots. I had several "aha" moments here while reflecting on the ways I have been mentored over the years and mentored others, and I really appreciate you naming the power dynamics that exist within these relationships. Your experience of "fighting" against bad facilitation/teaching has also been my own; a good teaching relationship brings out the best in you but a bad relationship can actively shut down the openness necessary for learning and growth. Thank you for sharing your learnings!
I love this exercise so much - over the years I've seen it to be universally true; the everlasting and reverberating impact that one or two kind and dedicated mentors (silent, adopted or organised) can have. It is deeply touching to pause in a moment of gratitude - thank you for the reminder - and thank you to Mr Brown - my maths teacher in year 12 - I carry your kindness and care with me to this day.
Oh, Mr Brown, what a beautiful memory that must have been, Martin. I wish we all had a Mr Brown in our lives.
Great piece. Thanks Alis. The attitude of growth you describe here isn’t just that of a good mentor, but that of many other worthy roles. The challenge lives everywhere.
I love the experience you share here about Bill Torbert. So beautiful that he lives on.
Each of us are worthy of respect and dignity. Respect and dignity, of course, are not solo acts. They only become genuinely possible inside relationship. Much like love, respect and dignity
Terror and hatred live at the bottom of attitudes and behaviors stemming from disrespect, ego and judgment. While heaven lives at the bottom of respect, trust, and admiration. Both can be easy places to go, but the latter tends to require more effort to generate and sustain.
Anyway, thanks again.
I agree with you, Craig the challenge indeed is everywhere. And there is much wisdom in what you are articulating about going 'to the bottom' of attitudes to find 'heaven' or 'hell' - I wonder how we might build the 'muscle' required to foster more of the 'love, respect, and dignity' end of that spectrum - the world seems to be in such dire need of that right now!
Great question.
Well. A few thoughts initially.
Modeling it is probably the most impactful thing I can think of that we can do, so that others have the experience of what it feels like.
Then we can also do the work of coaching, which in a way supports this work as well. What else?
Thank you for the beautiful reminder of the impact mentors have had on my life and the need to constantly notice my own reactions, triggers and how I show up to ensure I am meeting people where they're at and serving them, rather than my own needs. Some of this is anchored in my own reflective practices, but also the peer and group/community sessions I am fortunate to be part of, including those hosted by you and the VDI community. You continue to model walking the talk. Thank you.
I absolutely loved this article, Alis. It made me reflect on past mentors at different stages of my career. I couldn’t help but wonder how different ‘octaves’ might impact a mentor-mentee relationship. Perhaps Freud was in fallback or stuck in an expert mindset.
Thank you for your heartfelt words of wisdom!
That is surely a fascinating question, Mark! I’d think it’s reasonable to assume many of the big minds were not as late stage in their interpersonal line as they were in their cognitive. When you’ve built a field that becomes more like a cult, as it was in Freud’s case, any dissent becomes betrayal.
Love this Alis 🙏
Alis, this was such a beautiful reflection on mentorship, bringing our full selves to our work, and remaining mindful of our blind spots. I had several "aha" moments here while reflecting on the ways I have been mentored over the years and mentored others, and I really appreciate you naming the power dynamics that exist within these relationships. Your experience of "fighting" against bad facilitation/teaching has also been my own; a good teaching relationship brings out the best in you but a bad relationship can actively shut down the openness necessary for learning and growth. Thank you for sharing your learnings!
Dear Alis, this is such an excellent and heartwarming piece, thank you. I am trying to take to heart your note that:
“You simply cannot be a good developmental facilitator for others if you are not constantly on the lookout for your own developmental edges”.
I help people develop their mentoring skills and I will quote this essay in my springtime workshops.
I’m touched and humbled by this, Philippa, thank you! I’m so glad you found it useful!